New Year, New Beginnings (and Challenges)

Time for some rambling. It's not like I write a lot on this blog anyway, so I suppose it's acceptable once in awhile. It's amazing how things in your life can change so much from one year to the next, isn't it? Sometimes, it's because of decisions you & your family make. Other times, it's because of things that happen through no choice of your own, but because of events and circumstances that are out of your control, whether good or bad. After all, life is a mixed bag of blessings and happiness, heartache and sadness.
We started out the new year thinking that 2011 would be a significant year for us because we were expecting another child to join our family at the end of July. That is, up until a couple of days ago. This week marks the 4th miscarriage I've had in 4 years, and the 1st one I've had since we had Poppy. I suppose it is a little easier this time, probably because we have Poppy. So, we know that it's at least possible to have a healthy child, and at the end of the day, we still have her! It's always tough at first to try and figure out what went wrong, or if we could have done anything differently. We had a blood test and scan at 6 weeks, and everything looked good, including hormone levels, so we thought we were in the clear. I'd be lying if I didn't say that it just feels really unfair. This week, they did a blood test and scan to confirm what we'd feared, met with the doctor today, and I will go in for a D&C tomorrow. At least they knock me out for that part. After talking to the doctor today we're still not sure what causes the miscarriages. Paul and I have had every test they offer to try and determine the cause. The good news (and bad news), is that they've never found anything problematic. All we can do is keep trying, and hope that at some point we will get lucky again. How do women deal with having 8, 9, even 10 miscarriages?! I don't know. I guess they figure the end result is worth it. Who knows? Maybe I will have just as many before we have another actual full-term baby. It's pretty sad when you get a positive pregnancy test and you can't even be excited. I'd like to add that I am completely aware that there are some couples that have never even gotten 1 positive pregnancy test, and some couples who have mourned the death of a child. Life can really throw some curve balls. Sometimes I think, well, if this is our trial in life, I suppose I can handle it if we knew that we wouldn't have to face any other kind of illness, tragedy or heartache. But, that's not the way life works, right?
Well, I suppose the best thing to do when faced with something difficult is to count your blessings. So, here we go: I am so grateful for Poppy. I'm grateful that Heavenly Father entrusted us with this beautiful, happy, sweet child - even if she ends up being our one and only. I'm grateful for a wonderful husband and a supportive family - both mine and Paul's. I'm grateful for health, stability, happiness and love. And most importantly, I am thankful for the plan of salvation, and knowing that I can be with my family in this life and in the next, and that no matter what happens in this life, I know that one day there will be no more heartache or sadness.
May all of my wonderful friends and family who read this be blessed with the same health and happiness this year and for many to come!