Punaise, alors!

To preface this story, this is Anna here. If I didn't mention that, you'd probably be really confused after reading this. Just thought I'd title my post after my most favorite french curse (it's not really bad; it's like saying darn in english and actually means pushpin or thumbtack). After yesterday, sometimes you just need to let it all out, you know? I went in for a little "procedure" yesterday (a little more poking and prodding, really), and let me tell you, it hurt like &%*@ (insert your own favorite french swear here)! If the three people standing around my gurney hadn't been complete strangers, I probably would have been screaming as much as I do when Paul plucks my eyebrows. I'm sick and tired of doctors and waiting in their offices and their vague explanations and their utter lack of compassion. Actually, I'm sure they're compassionate enough, but I don't think they always realize that after having yet another miscarriage the last thing I want to do is sit around their office with 15 happy pregnant women getting ultrasounds and then having the doctor tell me what else could be wrong with me. I like what the comedian Brian Regan says about doctors having a "carte blanche" on insults--so true! They can tell you just about anything you really don't want to hear, then stick something very unpleasant somewhere, and then we thank them up and down and pay on the way out! And lately, it seems like since they can't quite figure out what's wrong (and I quote, "well, everything looks perfectly normal to me"), the easiest thing for them to do is pawn me off on some other unsuspecting doctor. In the last year, I think Paul and I have been to enough doctors to last us the rest of our lives. I'm pretty sure I have enough knowledge now to be some kind of fertility expert or counselor. Although, no one would ever pay me since it hasn't ever worked for me personally. So, if you ever want to know about ovulation, the fertility awareness method, basal body temperatures, luteal phase defect, IVF with ICSI, IUI, ART, the fertility diet, the EAGeR study, sonohysterograms, hypersalpopingograms (say that five times fast!), karyotyping...the list goes on...I will tell you everything I know until you're bored out of your mind! And that list only included Anna tests. Paul has had his share, but I will spare him and everyone else those details. Funny thing is, a year ago I would have been embarrassed to tell anyone except close family what was going on. I was embarrassed asking my parents for a generous donation to give IVF a whirl. And yet, I don't even care now. Don't get me wrong, it's still very painful for me. Paul and I have our bad days. Maybe telling people and explaining exactly how I'm feeling is the way to deal with it, however humiliating it may be. On that note, I wish all of my friends health, happiness, and fertility!